All My Movie Reviews

Turbo (2013)

Go Snail Go!! :DD

Turbo is a Dreamworks feature film about a snail that wants to participate in an automobile race. I hold this film very closely to my heart and it never fails to cheer me up during re-watches. I just love how silly it is, from it’s absurd premise down to it’s exaggerated character designs. With a runtime of 90 minuets, the film does not overstay it’s welcome and is a treat all through out.

My favorite scene is when they introduce the rest of the snail cast. After Turbo shows off his powers to everyone, the other snails from the race come along to befriend him. Each one showcasing their mutual interest in extreme sports while proudly proclaiming their dorky names. Turbo, being a little cocky, makes fun of them. Whiplash, the leader of the group, becomes offended and challenges him to a race. During which Turbo realizes that these snails are surprisingly really awesome. Despite their lack of speed, they made up for with innovation and resourcefulness. Even when Turbo lost, he couldn’t help but appreciate and look up to the other snails. If they can cover this much ground without speed, maybe he really does have a chance. Turbo finally found a community where he felt like he belonged. He’s never been anymore happier in his life.

I love how over the top Guy Gagne is as a villain, red carpet to walk on other racers and all. He is first introduced through a televised interview in which he appears to be level headed and genuine. It isn’t until when we see him in person do we witness how calculated he is behind the camera. During the Chairman’s announcement he laid back against the wall, completely indifferent to the matter. It wasn’t till he saw the huge reception he realize the potential and quickly jumped back into his facade. He advocates for Turbo’s right to participate in the race not out of good faith but because of the selfish desire to get more attention. It’s made apparent with his insistence to be in every shot taken by the press. Honestly I don’t blame Guy Gagne for acting the way he did. I’d be pretty embarrassed too if I lost to a god fucking snail.

I could go on about everything I like about the film but I believe 2022 me summarized it best:

Many people think Turbo is bad for being cliche and formulaic. Truthfully, I don’t care enough to argue whether or not that’s true and if such a factor holds a baring in a film’s quality. I personally enjoy Turbo for it’s campy nature and simple narrative. Sometimes that’s all a movie needs to be.

January 24, 2025

Hot Fuzz

PACK IT IN FRANK, YOU SILLY BASTARD!

Probably my favorite Edgar Wright film and the best out of the Cornetto Trilogy. This film is just so chaotic from start to finish. The comedy is sharp and the gore is brutal. Danny and Nicholas’ dynamic is really endearing and really fucking gay.

January 25, 2025

Lalaland

Why is there still 60 more minutes?

The ending of the film is really no surprise. It was inevitable. Despite that, the film likes to dangle a glimmer of hope. A small spark of a childish dream for everything to work itself out.

January 26, 2025

Juno

Hamburger Phone

Out of all the movies I’ve written about thus far, Juno is bit of an outlier. The climax isn’t an overdramatized screaming session where the characters state out their greviences word for word. This movie has a more subtle and lowkey approach of telling it’s story, which I really enjoy. It’s kinda slice of life-esque, especially with it’s endearing character interactions.

February 8, 2025

Midsommar

Me when the Sommar is Mid

I have no problem with prioritizing spectacle over narrative, but this movie is just so difficult to look at. It likes panning with poorly compositionend long shots where nothing much happens. Most scenes are filmed in one take where actors just stand there awkwardly reciting their lines. Other scenes are shot too far away from the actors that it becomes difficult to see who’s talking. I shit you not, a scene of a character packing up her things to leave is shot outside of the house where you can’t even see her do that. The editing is also really jarring when it uses sudden hard cuts. As an Edgar Wright enjoyer, I have no problem with this style of editing but it feels so out of place in such a slow paced movie.

I don’t really feel like dabbling into the story because, despite this film’s attempts to seem introspective, the characters are shallow and have zero nuance. They say exactly what they think and mindlessly follow wherever the movie needs them to be. The sets and environments are not whimsical to justify the lack of a cohesive narrative and questionable editing choices. This was the longest 2 hours of my life.

February 9, 2025

Mulan (1998)

F Tier

Kinda really embarrassed of my previous review. Will revisit this eventually.

November 6, 2025

Tarzan (1999)

S Tier

Truth be told, I ended up liking this movie a lot more than I had anticipated. For this film, they created a software called Deep Canvas which allowed artist to paint directly unto 3d models. This was done to streamline the process of making dynamic painterly environments. The action sequences were beautifully coordinated with close up shots that really make you feel as though you are. Whether it be freely swinging across the jungle or cramped up in some withered up tree, they spared no expense utilizing the new Deep Canvas software. Probably one of my favorite visual detail is how curled up Tarzan’s fingers are. I like how he has to stretch out his fingers when he reaches out for Jane’s hand. Speaking of her.

Absolutely adore how kooky Jane and her father is. In fact, I love all the stupid characters in the film. I was so charmed by all of the that I became a little bit too invested. I started worrying about for them despite watching enough Disney films to know they always end with the best possible conclusion. I couldn’t help feel a sense of dread of each misguided misstep Tarzan takes.

All around, a very pleasant film.

November 7, 2025

Donald's Diary (1954)

A Tier

Ah yes, the short that inspired Daisy Duck’s look in the Ducktales (2017) Reboot and I am forever grateful for it. I absolutely adore the art direction. From the carefully curated color pallet to the stylish hannah-barbara-esque backgrounds (There’s a proper name for this style I’m sure but I cannot remember it right now). Another Daisy Duck Slay!!! Also Donald Duck enlisting in the military to avoid marriage is really funny to me.

November 8, 2025

Donald's Happy Birthday (1949)

B Tier

This was was honestly really cute. I love how one of the boys attempts the same coin trick Donald does in Modern Inventions. This short is one of the very few instances where the nephews try to be nice to be Donald. It is also the few ones Donald gets a one up on the boys, for better or worse. The only reason this is in B tier is the fact that the ending made me really sad.

November 8, 2025

Donald's Nephews (1938)

B Tier

The episode that debuted Huey, Louie, and Dewey. It also mentions Della Duck in passing with the defunct name of “Dumbella”. Despite being mostly incomprehensible, Clarence Nash’s voice has always scratched a certain part of my brain. It’s really cute how Donald makes an attempt to maintain his composer and be patient with the boys. Although I wished the nephews had a personality outside of terrorizing Donald, this short serves as a good introduction to their dynamic and kinda justification for Donald’s stern approach to the boys.

November 9, 2025

Modern Inventions (1937)

E Tier

I feel really bad about giving this such a low rating; Considering that this was essentially Carl Bark’s first ever direct contribution to the Donald Duck but I did not enjoy watching Donald being manhandled or, more accurately, robot-handled. The liminal retro-futuristic museum is a neat vibe but the fact it’s paired with scenes of Donald being cuffed and knocked around by these mechanical beings leaves a really bad ick with me. This episode has a DeviantArt feel to it. Yes, the bad kind. Which is quite a shame because I love the gag of Donald constantly replacing his stolen hats and being a penny pinching cheapskate. Gonna head cannon that Scrooge taught him the coin tied to a string trick lol.

November 11, 2025

The Wise Little Hen (1934)

C Tier

The short that marks the animated debut of Donald Duck! Amazing how even in his first appearance, he’s still a little piece of shit. You’d never had guess he’d become the icon he would be today. Honestly, I love how narrow and dorky looking his original design was. The animal noises paired with the lines were really cute but, aside from it’s status in Donald Duck history, this short isn’t really that note worthy compared to the other Silly Symphony shorts released at the time.

November 11, 2025

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (1937)

S Tier

A charming short that strikes a balance between comedy and eeriness with they catchiest tunes to boot! Absolutely floored by how amazing the animation is. I love how expressive the characters are when they wince digest or shudder in fear. The ending is basically what chase sequences in dreams feel like from - if you know, you know. Also love how messed up Ichabod’s proportions are. It fun to see how ackwardly he sways around and bend up in strange positions. His knees literally reaches to the top of his head when he curls up. He’s quite the spectacle to behold!

November 13, 2025

Hercules (1997)